I have spent the last several hours irritated with people. All sorts, kinds and types. From the moment I awoke, almost every single person I saw or had to deal with just pissed me off.
Someone, during this perfectly shitty day, had the nerve to call me a nice person.
Well, you’re wrong. I am not a nice person. I am an impatient sociopath that thinks 90+ % of the population is critically stupid. I am also quite frustrated that so few of the remaining 10% are even in the same state as I am, let alone in any way a part of my life.
Am I being judgmental? FuckenAright I am. Why? Because the truly devastating level of stupid shit I have had to listen to and deal with the last 24 hrs has stunned any and all patience from my system.
Yet someone in the midst of all this looked am me with some odd ball eyes and thought I was nice. I do not even think I am or was at all nice today. I made no effort to be nice today. In fact, I am pretty sure I went out of my way to be a complete asshole on more than one occasion.
Why? Because as long as stupid peoples stupid actions are tolerated; if they are told, “Oh, thats ok” then they will continue to do the same crap over and over again with the same big stupid smile on their face.
I only care if you are trying your best if it is A) something you have only started doing in the last hour or so: B) it is something that is actually difficult and of course C) if you have not been told a few dozen times already that you are fucking it up every other time you do it.
See, no nice here. No good karma coming in the window. No fine reward. No nothing. Just a stiff neck and upset stomach that yes, I could do without and not have if I just ‘let it go’. Well – fuck that. I will let if go when I am damn good and ready too. I believe that will be long before the stupid runs out. LONG before.
And in the middle of this I have to listen to someones odd ball observation bouncing around in my head. I even want to be mad at that, to point out how incredibly wrong your observation is.
Damn it.
A V
This was originally posted here in September, 2008. It was titled, The Ugly Side of Beauty, Part 2. I am presenting it again, in its entirety, in memory of my little buddy Winston.
Pets. There are many reasons that people go out and bring an animal into their lives. Some reasons better than others; some just kooky. “There are many things you can tell about a person by the pets they keep.” I had heard this many times and thought it was not only true, but that I actually could ‘do it’ – tell, figure, glean. Here I sit, baring my secret: I have no idea what the hell that means or how to do it.
This I know, the bigger the pet, animal, the more room the owner/keeper has. The more money they have to spend on feed. The more tolerant they are to cleaning up bigger piles of pet poo. After that, I can’t tell a damn thing about anyone with animals except they / we all have the same problems on our own scales.
It just do happens I am an animal person. I like animals, even dangerous wild ones. 5 to 1 over most humans. Just to be clear on where I am coming from.
When choosing a pet, one must plan accordingly: Space, Cost, Time, Noise, and Odor. There is no simple rule for picking a pet except this: make sure you have TOO MUCH room for it. After that, everything else can be worked around.
I, not being ready to get into a long term commitment at the time, not willing to give up much space or time but, desiring to have companionship, along with some responsibility to something besides myself, quite spontaneously, bought a rat. Winston. Dark, cute, not so cuddly. Great animal.
Now, the pet thing has snowballed and I now live with two cockatiels, Spike and Zeus, along with two rats, Winston and Falstaff.
All of that listed above has led to this, what is about to come below. Some animals are harder than others to keep clean and odor free.
There is a rumor that rats are dirty animals. They are not. In fact, there are kinda crazy clean for being rodents that tend to live in the worst possible places. They are smart, creative, adventurous and generally a good pet for someone with a short attention span and not looking for more than a few years of commitment.
In the great outdoors, rats get wet. They get rained on, they run from predators into small dark places that may be filled with water. They fall into things full of water looking for food. They also brush up against things while running about trying not be seen, yet trying to eat, a lot. They even roll around in the dirt while playing with each other, which they do quite a bit.
All of this activity helps to ‘clean’ the rats. It takes care of one problem the little misunderstood rodent has. They are incontinent. Some say they have no bladder. More acuratly, no bladder control. When its time to void, out it comes. This is not too terrible in the real world for all the reasons I listed already. It is however amplified as a ‘thing’ when living in a cage.
Keeping the cage clean and such is just time and motivation. Wipe it down/out daily. Keep the clean wood shaving changed, blah blah blah. Just common sense.
Then there is the rats themselves. Hmmmm. No rain. No dirt. Everything they rub against has been made smooth and safe. Not much to wipe away their stuff. And, when it is, it is in the cage and it smells.
After one particularly long and detailed detailing of the cage, I notices that, hey, it smells like rat pee around here. Took about two minutes, the time it takes to think of it and then actually go get a rat out of the cage. Yup, you smell bad little guy.
Now what?
Obviously, rat baths were in order. “I shall beautify the boys”! Spa day!
Holy crap! I have had some slick, slippery, sudsy stuff slide around in my hands before. Come close to catastrophe combing gravity and lack of grip. Dropped the proverbial ball.
I have never, and this includes, dogs, cats, reptiles and exes, NEVER had something as hard to hang onto as a scared soapy rat. They are small. They are crazy fast. They are built to go forward into and through small spaces. They have very small, sharp, efficient claws. They are determined!
Of course, they are also clean and smell nicer, no matter how unhappy if not angry, they are.
Just in case this comes up in your life, five gallon buckets, two, one to wash in , one to rinse in. Small little dish pan size thing, not so good. Worried about drowning? Don’t. They swim and just don’t fill it that high. Trust me. You want the high sides. You really do.
Be prepared too. Just because you are done washing and moved on to drying, doesn’t mean they are finished trying to escape and are still pretty unhappy with you. Only now, they have the towel to get those claws into. So even as they become less slippery, they become much better at getting away.
It is ugly business, making rats beautiful. Fun as hell and highly recommended when you just can’t find a movie to rent. Plan accordingly. You will need to bathe yourself when finished. Bring your camera. Do in a space you can loose control of them without loosing them. The outside back patio, not so good an idea.
Birds by the way, are great at cleaning themselves. Once in a while, just put ‘em on a perch and spray with water. Easy.
Peace, Ant-Knee
Late last evening, after a very enjoyable night out, I came home to find my little buddy Winston in an awkward spot and position in his cage. He looked the same happy, inquisitive and loving creature he has been since the day he came home with me. Just, not quite right.
He and his brother (not really, just call them that) had developed an interesting relationship, with Winston the more docile of the two. Falstaff, assuming the role of the dominant one, was big on ‘barbering’ Winston to the point that he was mostly bald on his head and neck. Not unusual according to my reading.
However, in the past two weeks, there seemed to be a different kind of activity, relationship between the two. More one sided and aggressive. I noticed, but did not pay attention. I let it go while thinking about what was going on with me, my life, my body, my health, my spirit. I ignored that Winston, my pet, my friend, and my responsibility was in need of my attention.
This morning at 11:40 am PST, Winston was euthanized, at my request. He was two + years old. About the average life span. He was terribly over weight. Again, my failing him by not making his life more active and also by loving to feed him what ever he liked! If had raised my child, he would be enormous too I think.
He was as curious as ever on the way to the vet. He was more active than he had been in a while. Adrenaline from the box and the drive I hope, not an awareness of what was happening.
The wait was awful. I wanted to bring him home and make a place for him to be all on his own. His cage required he climb up to where the food and water are. Something he was not able to do any more. His chubby little back legs could just not muster up the strength any more. I could change it all around for him – so that he could live a little longer on just the bottom of the cage! A limited life for how much longer?
I am so thankful I could not see any pain in him. Or is it really that I didn’t take the time to see it? Either way, I still feel like I failed my companion when he needed me the most. I took on the role of care taker – the least I could have done is to have taken care of him.
I am sad and I am angry. It made me cry. Is making me cry. A rodent. I let people go so easily, yet this is breaking my heart. Perhaps it is that I feel (I AM) responsible for him. That maybe had I done X, Y or Z he would have lived a few more carefree and happy months! Eaten more banana slices, apple chunks, pizza bones and his all time favorite – frozen peas! He would pull them from out of the water bowl and eat the insides and toss the skins aside. I loved to watch him – it cracked me up.
The last look he gave me was one of expectancy. “When are we going back? What are you gonna feed me now?” The same excited, happy look he always gave me. He was bald and could not walk right. He looked old and unhealthy. Somehow, he still looked at me like he was happy I was there. I hope he can forgive me.
A V
I had before stated, more that once I am sure, that I would be writing and posting more, no matter what the topic or point (if there is one) was. So far, I have failed to do this.
I blame, find excuses for this in everything: the lack of orange juice, rain, depression, mania, the current location of the moon, the shriek of an owl, stubbed toe, noise, cold, hot, wet dry, et al – but I do not blame it on being lazy.
Tired is not lazy. Lazy is not doing when you have the energy to do. I have been tired. I am tired. I am also behaving lazy when it come to writing. So, here goes – something about last week.
Of course the news has been, is and will continue to be for some time, Haiti. I can offer nothing you have not heard or seen about the situation. I can tell you, that unless you have some medical training, and some bucks to support yourself, no one wants you to go there. I tried. For two days I was on the phone and computer looking for some group, organization or other that would take me or meet me there. I do not have enough of what is needed at this time to be useful. Maybe in month or two when work is needed, not help of the life saving variety.
The thing that has struck me, stuck in my mind the most about this; has been the rapid response in the form of cash and aid for “The poorest nation in the western hemisphere”. Millions of dollars have come from industry, private citizens and celebrities. Not just from governments (also funded by the citizens but thats another thing all together) but from “people”
Individuals that can give a million dollars. Businesses that can give a million dollars, donate the use a plane, a ship, a helicopter. None of those being cheap to buy or operate.
So – my question is, why does it take an earth shattering event to get people to treat other people with respect, dignity and favor? Why is there a “poorest nation” in the western hemisphere? Wasn’t that a disaster in and of itself?
There is a ship off the coast, the Carl Vinson, that can produce fresh water from salt water – something in the area of 400, 000 gallons a day.
There was not enough clean, safe drinking water in Haiti before the earthquake.
There are ships and planes with thousands of tons of food stuffs either in Haiti or on the way. Food for hungry people. Starving people.
Many of whom were hungry and near starvation before the earthquake.
There are mobile hospitals and state of the art hospital ships in or on the way to Haiti. To add to the huge missional and volunteer groups already there providing medical care to the people because they lacked it anyway.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not me being mad or upset about Haiti receiving aid in the wake of this calamity. I breaks my heart to not be doing more myself to help.
My heart breaks too because it took the lives of so many people, already in such poverty, so challenged to get through each day on good days. It took devastation like this to get the people of the world to step up and help.
Now – multiply pre-quake Haiti by the number of other countries, nations and regions that are in the same condition. Forget the semantics and names and think just about the number of people living on the edge of dying on perfect beautiful days in amazing and wonderful places.
Why do we need disaster and war to make those people worthy of our attention, our help, our money?
If even one person dies uneducated and malnourished, from a preventable water born disease, isn’t that a disaster too? Is it not a tragedy to know that everything to avoid this happening is available but, withheld?
Why are there not great big hospital ships off the coast of every country? Making clean water and helping the sick and injured? Because it costs money. The money was there for all these countries to put into their militaries and weapons – to be able to kill people, not save them.
I know – corruption, greed, xenophobia, religious hatred (funny concept), some logistics and of course, money.
Rick Warren made $2.4 mil in a month from one letter. Haitian relief is in the tens of millions from private donations already with a telethon planned in just a few days. Politicians in Massachusetts have spent millions in the past month to settle or shake things up.
There is money. It is all over the place. Just waiting for a disaster to put it to use. There are people willing to help. They are all over and trained, just waiting for a disaster to respond too.
What I think we need now, more than money and willing people, is to change what we see as a disaster, cataclysm or even an event. What we need is to look at any sick, hungry, lonely, scared human being as a catastrophic failure on the part of every other human being. We need to change our intense motivation to isolate and control. We need to take desire and ability to kill to achieve that isolation and control and use it to invite, support and sustain.
We are a tiny planet and a tiny people on its surface. We should act like it. Not just when things are terrible but when they are wonderful too. It is possible for it to be wonderful everywhere, all at once. It is at least worth the effort.
Peace
A V
Is there no place left to just be at rest without the intrusion of other peoples ___________ (fill in the blank)
Is it reasonable to believe that some people really do not know how offensive, obnoxious and irritating they are being? I don’t believe so. I believe that those people not only know but are most likely making an effort to be so.
Yea, I have heard that thing about, just let them know it is __________ (fill in the blank). They probably just do not realize it. Uhm, bullshit! I have said six or maybe ten times now that __________ is __________ and could you please stop. It does stop, at that moment, for a short time. Sometimes not even the rest of that night.
The thing I want to know is, should I really have to point out that __________ can be heard in every room of my apartment. Especially at 11:30pm on a Wednesday. I for one, do not think I should have to ask a seemingly adult , week in and week out if I can get some sleep.
I should not have to remind anyone that it is not only illegal to park facing the wrong way and to be blocking driveway / garage door while doing it. It does not matter if you think you are only going to be there a few minutes. It does not matter that you think there is enough room to get around your car.
Everywhere I go of late I see people behaving like they are the only one that has to get somewhere, has to meet someone, has to pick something up, has to __________. We all have that stuff to do. We all don’t do it at the expense of everyone else around us!
Is it so hard to remember, from just last week, that doing _________ will result in __________ showing up at your door? ARE YOU THAT STUPID? Or, are you just that freaking inconsiderate and selfish?Or, are you trying to be a pain in the ass?
To come home and hear only the sounds I make, create or invite to be here. That is the impossible dream. The proverbial peace and quiet are mythical aren’t they? There is no real peace, there is no real quite. There are only the few moments after the __________ has left that feel close to it. Then, just like that, someone fucks it all up again!
quiet
